What a wonderful holiday this was. All of my children came home for Christmas but unfortunately they all had to go back home. My daughter lives in Indiana with her family; my son lives in Texas where his job is and my youngest is in Kansas, living the life she wants with her horses. The week went by so fast. I sat and reflected in my journal this morning wondering why they all have to live so far away? Why am I here in Missouri? Even my brothers, whom I miss dearly, are all on the East Coast and my mother is in Maine. What in the world am I doing here? Other than the fact that I fell in love with a Missourian Man and this is where he lives. But the bigger picture is that I’m here because God has placed me here. Why? Not sure. For how long? Not sure.
I am going through a season of confusion lately. I am finding my life does not have a whole lot of meaning and purpose to it. I’m 50 years old and want to make some changes? I like being a librarian but I don’t like the health factors that are involved with it. I handle dirty, dusty, books with germs on them all day long. Our building has some mold issues which really wreaks havoc on my allergies too. I like working part time and digging into my writing part time from home, but I can see that it’s not going to be financially feasible for me; at least I don’t think so. I don’t know that for sure yet. I have not given it a real fair chance. I’m not thrilled to be here in Missouri but I don’t know where else to go or if I’m supposed to go. Indiana? East Coast? Missouri? I don’t know.
As I get ready to begin my one line Bible Study with my new Sista’s, I can’t wait to see what unfolds in my life. Proverbs is such a wonderful poetic book filled with wisdom. I have always loved Proverbs 4:20-23. I am aiming to memorize it in three different versions over the next few months. It is MY personal roadmap with God.
It comes down to memorizing Proverbs 4:20-23
My daughter, pay attention to my words;
Listen closely to my sayings
Don’t lose sight of them; keep them within your heart;
For they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.
Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.
God, I pray that I would pay close attention to what you have in store for me. I know you’ve called me to part time for a reason. I know my health was really bad and in some respects it still is. I know you want me to work on this body and mind together. I know that you desire for me to work hard at what you’ve got in store for me. The above scripture is the one that I want to bind into my heart and keep it there all year long. I have fallen off the path so much in 2012 and I have not paid attention to your calling on my life. I have fled from situations that you’ve told me to stay and endure. I have not trusted when you were telling me to just trust. I have not been kind when you’ve told me to be kind. I have not let things go when you’ve told me to let go. Lord, I pray that as I dig into the book of Proverbs with my new On Line Sista’s, that you will touch us all, guide us all, grow us all and call us closer to You.