I Want To Go Back

              I want to go back to the East Coast.  I had so much fun in the short time I was there.  I don’t know what draws me to this area.   Is it family? Is it the beautiful scenery? I think it is the combination of both. I am so happy that I had the opportunity to see my brothers and, of course, mom.  But there is a special tenderness in the air in New England.   I want to go back.

               When I looked out my hotel window and saw the water with the boats, I knew I was home. When we drove around and I saw lobster traps piled up and boats on the side of the road, I knew I was home. I could smell the salt air.  As soon my brother and I got out of the car, I took a very deep breath and although it was very cold, it was salty, fresh and welcoming.  I could smell the wood-burning stoves from the homes along the cliffs. I want to go back.
               The ole New England homes were decorated with the fresh pine that smelled like a freshly lit Pine Yankee Candle.  The Mid West doesn’t have a whole lot of pine so the homes are decorated with fake greenery. It’s pretty but not charming; and it has no fresh scent.  As I walked around Freeport, I saw the decorations of big red bows, beautiful white lights and sea shells hanging as ornaments. It was not tacky and had nothing flashy. It was so New England. I want to go back.
               The horse and buggy was pulling the visitors around and every time a camera would come out, the driver would stop and respect the request for a picture. The carriage was adorned with  fresh greenery and the horses had big red bows on their reigns.  I want to go back.
               Mom’s house was all in blue and creamy off white; so New England. She had the old braided rugs on the floor that were in Grammy’s house. Those rugs were made by my grams own hands. They have my Uncle’s military uniform woven into the structure along with other materials from many years ago. The walls held many pictures of the ocean scenery with sea gulls standing along the foamy tide. I want to go back.
               The family was sitting around the Christmas tree that was delicately decorated in all reds and whites. The bow on the top that draped down the front was made by my sister-n-law and added just the right touch. It was so different seeing my mother’s Christmas stuff out which really wasn’t hers at all. It was Bill’s but now in some ways hers as well. It didn’t matter to me though, it was beautiful; the whole house was so tastefully decorated and there I sat, taking it all in while my brothers and Bill’s son, Kyle playing their guitars and us all singing. It wanted time to stop right there and remain in the gap, in the beautiful, peaceful, joyful Christmas gap. I want to go back.
               Saying goodbye was very difficult. It still brings tears to my eyes. I wanted to stay in mom’s arms longer. Oh God, just give me a little bit more time, please. I wanted to listen to my brother’s sing, tell jokes even if I was the target of the punch line. I wanted to sit with my sister-n-law longer and visit about dogs, the weather or whatever came across our minds. I wanted to help Bill do the dishes, well not really but I would have. I wanted to pet Leo one more time. I want to go back.
               I came home to no-one. My kids are all gone. They are in different states. It made me miss them even more. My husband was not home; he hardly ever is, he travels every week. I came home to an empty house. I walked in, glad to be with my own surroundings but I felt empty. I didn’t even have my dog until later in the afternoon when my friend brought her to me.  I have NO family here. I have no one to sing with, to sip coffee with, to shop with, and to talk with; it’s an empty feeling.  I want to go back.
               One day I will be near my family. I don’t know when but I do know that I will wait upon the Lord to help me and I will trust His Word and His plans. Until then, I will try to be more appreciative of what I have and enjoy what I have. I have great friends here and I am so very thankful for that. But one day, just maybe I will go back.
Psalm 130:5 NCV I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust His Word.

2 thoughts on “I Want To Go Back

  1. Jennifer Slattery December 28, 2012 / 2:33 pm

    Did you go home for Christmas? How wonderful! This is how I feel about the west coast. 😉 I love the mountains, the smell of the fresh, crisp air, and the beautiful, fragrant evergreens!


    • momofthree3 December 28, 2012 / 5:19 pm

      I was blessed to be able to go back to Maine in December for my mother’s 80th birthday. My three brothers and I surprise her and it was so special having her walk into her favorite sea food restaurant and see us there. I often want to go home because that his home to me. I was raised in New Jersey but spent my summers in Maine and my heart belongs there.


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