One Day Up, the Next Day Down

 

               When I went to bed last night, I was excited that I was going to work today. I have not been at work since Monday night and although I have been fighting with a cold, I felt somewhat better last night. I love my job and absolutely love the people that I work with; in some ways they are like family to me. So getting with my family today was bringing me joy.

During the night, I felt like my throat closing up. I thought the cold was coming on stronger so I reached for the Nitequill. This all started about 1:30 in the morning and for two hours I was trying everything to make myself comfortable. I propped my pillows; rub vapor-rub on my chest, blew my nose several times, turned on the vaporizer but it wasn’t until around 3:00 when I finally went back to sleep. My alarm went off at 6:00 and I knew the minute I woke I would not be ???????????able to go into work. I was feeling a fever; I had a lump on the side of my neck, (glands) and couldn’t move. Ugh…sigh…

I knew I had to do it so, I called into work telling my special co-worker my sob story and she assured me to take it easy and get to the doctor. I called the doctor at 8:10 a.m. and I was able to get in by 9:00. I sat in the office for 45 minutes when I was finally called back. I had a strep test done and sure enough. I have strep throat, sinus infection and ear infection. Normally one would say, no biggie, get on an antibiotic and be well within 24/48 hours. See, my case is a little tricky though; because I have a kidney disease and am on all sorts of fun medications, I have to be careful of what I take. Long story made short, I was put on an antibiotic. All I could think of was how being on antibiotics for so long got me into this situation but when I voiced that, the doctor assured me that the one she was prescribing was safe and that I had to kill the infection. With my compromised immune system, I can easily catch everything right now and I sure did.

Defeated and Down, that’s how I feel. I am tired of being tired and sick. I am frustrated and very weary. MP900385327I have been fighting to get well for almost a year now and I am trying to find God in all of this. I know He’s here but today I’m just searching harder because I’m weak. When my husband came down the stairs, he found me in the chair, crying with my Bible open. I told him I was so tired of being tired and sick. He rubbed my hand and said it would be okay. I wanted to scream, “How do you know!” But I didn’t. I just wiped my eyes, pulled myself together and got into the shower.

Not only am I feeling down, I am feeling somewhat worthless. What could God use me for when all I can do is call on Him? I have no energy to help others. I can’t bake for a friend in need. I can’t visit a shut in. I can’t go to a Bible study and pray with ladies. I couldn’t even cook a meal a few nights this week. I am useless!!! Then to top it off, my pay check came in and it’s soooooo small!!! I knew going half time at work would be a huge adjustment in our finances but I had forgotten that I asked to have extra taken out for my retirement.  How can I contribute to the household bills? How can I do this to my husband? I’m crying as I type this because these feelings are so strong. I can’t contain the sadness right now.

Just a few minutes ago God brought me to the scripture about running the race…12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

            When I first read it, I must confess I was immediately irritated. I looked up and shook my fists at God saying, “God, I am tired of running this race.” He immediately spoke to me and said, “You’re not running it alone. I’m here with you. My words to you Beth are that you do not have to grow weary and lose heart. I have got every detail taken care of. You will get better, trust me.” So, I can choose to throw my hands up in the air and give up or I can accept this difficult time and grow by it.  I turned to Isaiah 40:31 ESV and read out loud: But they who wait for the lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

God, thank you for bringing people into my day today that are praying for me and are thinking about me. I am so thankful for the huge support team that I have. I don’t understand this at all; but I will do my best to continue to give it you every day. Please bring purpose and direction to my day, to my life; take the hopelessness and turn it into true HOPE.  Thank you that I don’t have to walk alone. cross

Tribute to My Kids

 

Job Well Done

 

Once again I am calling on my faith and trust. I have a 19 year old daughter, Emma that has been on her own in Kansas at college for a couple of years. Things have not gone the way that she planned. Some harsh things that have happened to her are due to circumstances and others are due to poor decisions. I understand that. I get it. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

Well, within the next few weeks she will be letting go of her life where she lives, in Kansas and will be joining her older sister, Shannon in Indiana. I know this is NOT an easy decision but she’s been left high and dry by some awful room-mates that took advantage of her. She’s had to drop out of college and work two jobs just to keep up with the demands of her life. She damaged her car and was unable to afford to fix it therefore she has been walking to work every day. She took on a second job and walks there as well.

She needs a fresh start. It is going to be very hard for her because she has to sell some things and make sure someone will take her horse and her dog. She’s had a horse her whole life and this will be the first time without one. This is going to be by far the hardest step.

I could easily have thrown the poor choices that she’s made in her face but she’s only 19. Instead I reminded her that we all grow from our mistakes and that we all make them and still do. I also reminded her of how much God loves her and how He is opening up doors for her.

Shannon and my son Bud aka Chris, are joining forces to help my daughter with her move. They are driving out to pick her up, pay for her to get out there and get settled. My husband and I will go down to help her when the move comes about. Shannon is so excited because she has wanted family near her for years. She also said though, “I just don’t want to fail her.” I told her that she is providing a roof over her head, a safe place. Love and security. That’s all Emma needs.

Mom’s heart (me) is breaking. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to run down (4 hours away) and pick Emma up and bring her home. She doesn’t want to come back to Kansas City. She has no friends here. I understand that. And…I never felt the calling to bring her home. My heart wants to wrap her up in my arms and keep her here.  This was one of those times that I had to sit still and know God was in control.

I don’t want her to go! That means that all of my kids are very far away. But you know what? It’s not up to me. I can’t hold onto her. I have to let her go and spread her wings and be close to her sister. I see the bond between my two step daughters that live right here in Kansas City. I want my girls to have that opportunity, even if it means letting go. Excuse me if I go wipe my eyes and blow my nose.533293_10150719435283328_690184230_n

My dear Emma, you are going to be fine. I reminded you today and will continue to remind you that God has this one. He knows the plans he has for you; they are not to harm you but to bring
you great hope for a future. My dear Shannon, you will never let her down because you are opening your heart to your sister. God will honor that. My dear Bud, (Chris) thank you for always unselfishly donating your money. You have all made me one proud mom. I love you and thank you for being there for your sister and for me.

Dear God, please watch out for Emma. Please help her with this transition; it is going to be very hard for her. Bring the right people to her that will take her horse and her dogs. I pray that when she gets to Indiana, that she and Shannon will pick up where they left off years ago; before being separated by individual dreams. I pray that you would keep all three of my kids safe. May they hear you say, “Job well done my faithful servants.”

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Bible Study

 

Studying the Bible can be overwhelming at times. Unless I’m in an organized group, I fall flat on my face, and that’s not in prayer. I get more out of God’s Word by studying with an on line group or a local group. I get more excited when hearing the feedback from others and I love meeting new people. There’s just something about women’s groups that warms my heart. I love the tears we share, the laughter we share and of course, the food we share. Studying together bonds us as sisters in Christ.

Recently I joined my first on-line study group. I have to admit that I had reservations about this. I didn’t think I would stay as committed and thought I would skim through the study. I was way wrong! I love booting up my computer to see our leaders face smiling at me and sharing the lesson as well as always ending with some very thought provoking questions. I have met people from all over the states in this group and I love the stories we all share. This particular study is coming to a close at the end of this month, but I think we will all stay close and continue to share thoughts with each other. Most of us are bloggers so we do visit with each other. I don’t like to see the study come to a close though and hopefully we will start another.

Just two weeks ago, I was invited to join a Wednesday morning Women’s Bible study by a sweet co-worker. I gave it some thought and prayer and decided to join. I have the time right now in life, so why not? This group of ladies has been studying together for years so I was not sure how they would react to a “newbie.” Well, my first step into the hostess’s house, I felt overwhelmed with peace and love. Ladies of all ages were hugging me, shaking my hand, offering me a beverage and just visiting with me. I knew I was in the right place. I love the way they begin by visiting with a snack, then opening with singing songs, and then they dig into the lesson. The first day I went, I had to leave early and they all took the time to stop the lesson, lay hands on me and pray for my kidney biopsy. I have not had someone lay hands on me and pray over me in years. When I left, I sat in the parking lot and sobbed; I felt so filled with love.

I’m in a hungry stage right now with my walk with God. I want more. I crave more of Him and more of the Word. I don’t think God placed me home just to get well; Oh no, there’s much more to it. He wants me to commune with Him and be ready for the marvelous things he has for me.

When I study the Bible on my own, I have to admit that I have times where I can’t focus, or I don’t understand what the passage is saying. So here is a little guideline that I’ve recently incorporated into my study time.Holding Glasses over Bible

1)    I pray before I read. I ask God to open my eyes and heart to what He wants to reveal to me.

2)    I read the passage slowly a couple of times. Sometimes I read it out loud.

3)    If I need to, I read the study notes and commentary so that I can fully understand the meaning of the text.

4)    Sometimes I read the verses before and after so that I can understand the full theme going on.

5)    I meditate and write down my thoughts. I’m a writer, so this is easy for me but for those of you, who don’t like to write, at least meditate on the scriptures and allow God to speak to you.

God is going to reveal what He wants you to learn. I encourage you to join a group. If you’re not ready, please share with me what you’re reading and what God is showing you through His word. I’d love to hear from you.

Blessings!!!

Our Mess…God’s Business

So, yesterday while my husband and I were out, our dog Peek-A-Chew, Peek for short, decided to mess with our stuff.
I pulled into the driveway, unloaded the groceries, took Peek for a quick walk and gave her a “special” treat for doing her business. I got laundry started played with her for a while to remind her of how much she is loved and after our bonding time, I grabbed my coffee and headed upstairs to the office to write.GE DIGITAL CAMERA
When I got to the office door, low and behold, there on the floor was our mail strewn all
about. Peek decided to get rambunctious and get into our business. She had envelopes and magazines thrown from one end of the room to the other. There were scratch marks on some of the envelopes and if I could find anything good to this, it was the fact that nothing was chewed. She just messed with it. I guess she was bored or felt she needed to connect to us by getting into our stuff. I looked at her and sternly said, Peek-A-Chew!

 

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She immediately went to her bed and put her head down. She knew she had done something wrong. As I was cleaning up the mess I started to think about how much I mess with God’s business.
God strategically places people, songs and events into my life and does not need me to come in and mess things up by controlling things that are none of my business. Indeed there are times that He calls me to do things. For example, he might ask me to help a friend, call a loved one or hug a co-worker but unless He calls me to do these things, sometimes it’s best to leave other people’s messes to Him. Romans 8:13 says, For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. ESV. Let’s concentrate on our own mess and leave the mess of others up to God, UNLESS, He specifically calls us to do something.

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I encourage us to come boldly before God, admit there are areas in our lives where we need to let go; stop messing it up and give it to Him. In whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. Ephesians 3:12 ESV
Lord, today I give you all of the situations in my life that I have no control over. I pray that I will not get into your business or the business of others unless You ask me to. I am so thankful that when I do mess things up that you WILL put me back on track and keep my mind on your will; your business.
Beloved, once you’ve given your mess to God, please accept the peace he has for you. John 14:27 Amplified Version… Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
Thanks Peek for showing me but yet another couple of lessons. 1) Let God have my mess 2)Don’t get into other’s mess unless God calls me to and 3) Once I give God my mess, leave it with Him.

Leaving It Where It Belongs.

In reading our Proverbs study, I was asked to think about some questions and give some feedback. I had to chew on the questions for a little while because I didn’t want to just blurt out some answers without really thinking first about the impact that my answers might have.
One of the questions I was asked was that if I am a more analytical person and have a natural tendency to “problem solve” throughout the day, what keeps my self evaluation and commitment to grown manageable? I would like to say that I am an analytical person and problem solver throughout my day but only when I am at work, where I am forced to problem solve. My brain is often mush at home. I don’t really think too much about problem solving because I’m doing the mundane tasks of life, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. However, it’s during those mundane times that I like to listen to my Praise & Worship music. It reminds me that even while performing the boring stuff in life, we can have joy in our hearts. I don’t’ think about that at work because I can’t listen to my music; so there is a time and place for mundane and problem solving.
Another question that was proposed to me was, in what areas have I noticed I fall short on? Oh my, I could write a whole list. There are days that I don’t even know if I have enough paper for all of my daily whines that I blurt out, especially since I have been sick. I would love to stop the whining and praise HIM more for the simple joys of my day. I would have to say

that I am good at getting up and spending time in His word and praying, but there is always, always, always room for improvement in that area as well.

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I was reminded that we need to make our goals manageable, focusing on the few things we’d like to do differently, and then, we need to make sure that we create concrete steps to initiate change. I agree. I am such a visual person. I have lists everywhere. I have the old fashioned kind of calendar that I can erase, cross off, write and re-write things. I don’t do well with the virtual calendar. I have to touch the pages. So, I know that if I need to make a change, it is not going to work for me to use any kind of technological support, NOPE!!! I will use my “post-it” notes and my good ole spiral calendar. That’s what works for me.

cross
I think as Christians we can be so hard on ourselves. If we would only remember that Jesus died for us, took all of that shame, guilt and pain to the cross so that we would not have to carry it around every day. I do think that there is a level of accountability that we have to have, but we also sometimes just have to fall before the cross and let it all out there and leave it there. I think recognizing that we are not the author of our lives but rather that God is and His Spirit is the one who reveals where to make changes and how to make those changes is the first step. It’s a day to day walk. If I make goals and fall short of them, I try really hard not to beat myself up any more. I’ve wasted so much time in my life allowing myself to be beat down by the enemy. I just pick myself back up, brush myself off and begin another day living towards victory.

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Preparing for the…Storm…

Snow_Storm_by_Vanilla105For the last 24 hours we have been bombarded by the weather forecasters warning us that we will be having a huge snow storm. We’ve been advised to stay home, stay off the road, and be safe. While watching the evening news, I noticed the listings of schools and churches that would not be open the following day even before a flake of snow dropped. At 10:00 last night, I received a phone call from my boss letting me know that the library would not be opening. Now for the library to do that way ahead of time, I knew this was going to be a big storm.

Yesterday I did everything that I thought was necessary to prepare myself for the storm. I picked up a few groceries; bought another bag of salt and cleared a spot in the garage for me to pull my car into. I stayed up just a little later than usual because I knew I would be able to sleep in.

When I woke up this morning at 6:10 (didn’t really sleep in) I immediately went downstairs, peeked out the window only to see that we had not even had a flake of snow hit the ground. I started to panic. I started to think that maybe I should get ready for work and be prepared for my boss to call again and say that the library is opening. I grabbed my cup of coffee, sat down and turned on the news. Sure enough, my fears were calmed because the snow was still predicted to head our way and hit us in a fierce way. Once I got my fill of the news, I looked out and saw that it was starting to snow. I turned off the television, grabbed another cup of coffee, grabbed my Bible and started to ponder some things.

Am I preparing myself for Jesus’ arrival? Just as I was preparing for the storm, I ask myself, Am I preparing myself for Jesus’ return? I don’t know when Jesus is going to arrive; No one does. The following scripture is so comforting though; even when I am not prepared, God is working on me. Phillipians 3:20 & 2120 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.  What are some things that we can do to be prepared for the return of Jesus? First of all, we need to prepare our hearts.  I think back on a scripture we covered in our Proverbs Bible Study. It is an amazing scripture to consider as we think about preparing our hearts for communication with God. It is imperative that we communicate with God in order to know Him and guided by His Spirit.

Proverbs 16:1

The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the LORD. (KJV)

As we seek God’s presence we become aware of some things within us that inhibit a close and deep relationship with God.  These show up in different ways and may take on various forms but when we dig down to the source we discover that all blocks to communication with God are beliefs or ideas we hold in our hearts. Just as I was preparing for the storm, watching the news, buying the groceries and getting the extra bag of salt, I ask myself again, am I preparing for the return of Christ? Am I creating a close intimate relationship with God? Am I allowing distractions to take me away from reading the Bible and spending time meditating? meditating

The verse in Proverbs can be seen as a wonderful promise of help – The preparations of the heart in us are from the Lord!  This means to me that God desires to help us by revealing and exposing those beliefs that keep us stuck and separated from Him. Since the beginning of God’s story, we see how He reaches out to his people. He wants to relate to us and us to Him. He wants us to commune with Him and discover that He wants to work within us to help us know Him better. He is always working in us. Wow! Thank you God.

Get prepared my friends. He will return one day. Where is your heart? What do you believe in? Please take the time today no matter how busy you become, take the time to thank Him for loving you and calling you to a relationship with Him.Holding Glasses over Bible

 

 

 

 

In a Door-mat? Who Would Have Thought!

 

 

What does that word Belief say to you; if anything? In front of my door, I have a door-mat that says, “All Things Are Possible, If You Believe.” Mark 9:23. It’s embarrassing to admit that I have walked into my home numerous times without even looking at the door-mat. I’ve wiped my feet on it, but without looking down upon the words.

I have been faced with many fears and anxieties over the last year and at times I have lost my belief; not in God, but in what He’s capable of doing in me through these trials. Shame on me! I have at times,  on my own accord, shut my heart and made myself unavailable to Him.

Well, today, as I was out taking my prayer walk; in the warmer weather may I add,  and I had an opportunity to come face to face with the Holy Spirit. While I was rejoicing in my ability to walk a little longer today, I was also open to listening to God.  There was no mistaking that this was an appointed time with HIM this morning. I was almost in a slowed-down-trance, focused on everything around me. Before I knew it, I was praising him for the cloudy sky, the bare trees, the wind softly blowing, and the green grass that never died this winter. As I stopped a few times to inhale it all, I could hear the birds chirping and watched the squirrels scampering from branch to branch.

On my way back to my house, for the first time in probably months, I looked down at my door-mat and said, “I believe God.” When entering the house, I grabbed my coffee, sat down and just praised Him for revealing Himself to me, reminding me that I can believe in Him and He will never let me down. Look at the following promises of God.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. – John 3:16

To Him give all the prophets witness, that through His name, whoever believes in Him shall receive remission of sins. – Acts 10:43

But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe in His name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.– John 1:12-13 abides on him. – John 3:36

Jesus cried and said, ‘he who believes in Me, believes not in Me, but in Him that sent Me. And he that sees Me sees Him that sent Me. I have come as a light into the world, that whoever

He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God

believes in Me should not abide in darkness. And if any man hears My words, and believes not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.’  John 12:44-47

And Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life: he that comes to Me shall never hunger; and he that believes in Me shall never thirst.’ – John 6:35

Verily, verily, I say to you, he that believes in Me has everlasting life. – John 6:47

Thank you God for using my door-mat of all things to remind me that I can believe in You and You will never leave me nor forsake me. Even in times of fear, doubt and anxiety or those very quiet times; You are present and working. Oh if I would only allow my heart to be open to that victory every day, I can’t imagine how much better my day would go. I give this day to You!

What about you? Is there something in your life that you are not believing and trusting God in? If so, rest assured that He knows everything about you and what you are going through. He is right  there with you and will not let you go. I don’t do this often, but if you need me to pray for you, here I am. Let me know. I will do it!!!

Counting on God

 

How many times do we botch up our budgets? How many times have we been put in a situation where we’ve had to make some adjustments and we  get stressed out? I don’t know the percentage, but I think it’s pretty high; the amount of marriages that end in divorce over money issues. I could probably look it up but it doesn’t matter; we all face financial issues sometime in our lives and what we do in those times is really what counts.

Do we call upon God or do we take matters into our own hands? I know this time in my life right now has been hard on us financially. I have been forced to slow down, work less and count on Him more. Some would say that is a frightening thing but for me, it has been rather peaceful. Maybe it’s because I don’t do the bills in our household (my choice) and I don’t really ever see my husband get too stressed out about money. If he does, he’s really good at not stressing me out about it. I know we have taken a drastic cut in pay but we have also made some drastic changes in the way we live to accommodate this change. There is always room for more changes as well. We also trust God and lean not on our own understanding.

In today’s Proverbs Bible Study Group, Jennifer;  www.jenniferslatterylivesoutloud.com has encouraged us all to look at a couple of scriptures; Proverbs 20:11 and Proverbs 22:7. She talks about early in her marriage how she and her husband ran into some debt and how they became debt free. I love Proverbs 22:7 which talks about us being the borrower and Christ being the lender.  I also like Proverbs 27:12 which says, a prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences (NLT). Ouch!!! I like it because it reminds me to continue to get back on track not spend blindly because I never know what might happen. HE does, but I do not. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t trust God; because I do. I trust that he will take care of my needs.

Do we really need everything that we have? Are you spending beyond your own budget? Are you being frivolous with your money and not thinking about your future? I am certainly glad that God has it under control but I also know that I have to do my part.

Hopefully this will trigger you to think about what you are spending your money on and if it really makes a difference…

What’s Next

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Do you ever find yourself asking God, “What’s next Lord?” I do. I go through peeks and valleys in my life, like we all do. I’ve been participating with the Proverbs on-line Bible study initiated by my dear friend, Jennifer Slattery. http://jenslatterysblog.wordpress.com. I have participated in two other on-line studies and didn’t find them too appealing, but this one hit home for me. Maybe because I have a little more time to dig and study or maybe it’s because it was just a fun group to study with? But, now that we’re coming to the end of the study, I ask myself, what’s next Lord?

I’ve been stuck in a season; an unhealthy; slow down season. It’s been positive in the fact that I’ve had this time to concentrate on getting healthy in body, mind and spirit. It’s been negative only because I am not used to slowing down. I would have to say that I am experiencing endings but not sure of what the new beginnings hold for me.

I have felt like God has been pressing me to adjust to a new path in life; one that leads in directions that I have not fully grasped yet and I feel like I am coming up to the next twist in the road with some measure of anticipation and excitement and maybe even a little fear. Do you ever get that way? You know, when one door closes you wonder what is behind the other?

I am personally relishing the rest of winter. Thus far, the winter has been very difficult for me and I don’t like the cold but I like the fact that now that I have been diagnosed with a  treatable condition, I can look forward to the rest of the season as having ample time to finally write to my heart’s content as my health gets better. Yahoo!!!

I am so thankful for God’s Word and Promises as I walk with Him. Psalm 23:3; He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake. Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. I love that! He is guiding me through this season and the next, and the next and the next.

            What’s next in your life? Are you just starting in your walk with God and tasting the joy of fresh starts as you take your baby steps with Him? Are you a well seasoned Christian that is walking in wisdom, blossoming in knowledge as you are planting seeds? Are you moving right along and bearing fruit? Or are you like me; the seasoned Christian that is wondering what’s next?

I welcome your comments as to where you are in your spiritual life? Are you fearful of the next step? Anxious? Excited?  Grab your cup of coffee and chat with me…

Hospital story part two

I didn’t realize that only part of my story about the hospital visit sent. Technology!!! Bugs me. Here’s the rest of the story.

6:20 p.m. “The resident doctors crossed off your time of departure so I’m assuming you need to stay the night.” Tears begin to roll again. “I can’t stay. My husband has to work tomorrow and I have to work and my insurance won’t cover me to stay the night. Can you call the doctor who ordered this procedure in the first place?” Can you guess what she replied? Yup, “I’ll check.” I am now crying out loud, Jesus Loves Me This I Know.”

7:00 p.m. The charge nurse comes in. “Okay, if you lay flat for another hour, you can then go home. The on call doctor at the hospital said they wanted to make sure there was no bleeding where you were punctured.” I replied, “How would you know if there was? No one checked it?” She rolls me over and says, “It looks real good.” I look at her, with sad puppy dog eyes that are leaking tears, “I don’t mean to be a pain but this has been a horrible experience. I just want to go home.” She replies, “I’m sorry. I know that you do. It is not that we were not trying. You were supposed to be on the renal floor, there was no room and so here you are and we were unprepared for what to do with your case. I’ll get the discharge papers drawn up now.” “Thank you,” I say. Thinking I am going to have to lay there one more hour was not a big deal after what I had gone though. I was soon to be on my way home, in my own bed with my little dog next to me and husband by my side.

7:20 p.m. The young nurse that I’ve had all day, the one that couldn’t get the I.V. in, who dropped my regular Tylenol on the floor, who must have said at least six time, “I’ll check” comes into my room with my discharge papers. She doesn’t even understand the instructions, kind of reads them off, has me sign them and says, “You can get dressed.” I had not laid there my additional hour on my back but I didn’t care. She walked out, didn’t help me out of bed or anything. She didn’t even offer. My husband helps me to get dressed and while I am in the bathroom doing so, a green jacketed man comes in with my wheelchair. Thank you LORD!

I get into the car and sing out, Yes Jesus Loves Me. Yes Jesus Loves Me…Thank you Leslie for reminding me to sing that song…Because the whole time, I knew Jesus was carrying me through all of the pain, fear and uncertainty. I would not have done that without you plantinng the seed. Thank you to all of my family and friends who were praying me through probably one of the scariest times of my life. Jesus loves you too.