Today I was reminded by my on-line study of Proverbs to not be anxious. “Yea right” was my first smart mouthed remark; I even said it to myself at my computer. I’ve been waiting over two weeks now for results of tests. I’ve been worrying about my kidney sonogram, my blood-work, the strange rashes that appear on my body and the headaches. I worry about the extreme fatigue and not to mention the cost of all of these tests. How does one not worry?
One does not worry by trusting in God. The ole famous scripture; “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight: Proverbs 3:5-6. Because God’s Word tells us not to worry, are we automatically going to trust and be calm? I know this chick aint! I try, but I feel like a fly fisherman with the way I cast my burdens and worries upon God. Once I cast out, I quickly real in. Why am I like that? Why can’t I just cast them out and leave them there?
I think I am like that because sometimes I don’t think, I just feel. I am a woman and I am emotional and at times not rational. I also stuff feelings. I sometimes stuff them, hide them and that can cause me to become anxious. There are times that I long to make all bad things go away and just have those warm-fuzzies around me, but realistically, we don’t live in a warm-fuzzy world. Because there are times that I don’t know how to cope with painful emotions, I might pretend they do not even exist until the anxiety is welling up in the back of my throat.
Many years ago I really struggled with Panic Disorder. I had it so bad that for a few months I would not even leave my house. If I did, I would have such a panic attack that I would feel crippled. Once, I went to the grocery store, had a huge panic attack and walked right out. I left my cart right in the middle of the aisle. No one understood; I didn’t even understand. After seeking help, I realized that it was real, every emotion was real and there were reasons for the physical manifestations. I also experienced depression at the time as well. When my depression would not lift, my inability to experience victory over the anxiety would increase my guilt, (feeling like I was causing such an inconvenience to my x-husband and children), which in turn exacerbated the depression. They went hand in hand.
Wow, that was over 20 years ago and I have learned that I have victory. At the same time though, I do know that our world is a broken place filled with pain and anxiety. I believe that when Jesus was faced with the broken state of the world, he did not become enraged or act out of control. NO! He did not put on a happy face either. He did not avoid conflict. He did not pretend everything was okay. Jesus was authentic with his emotions.
We can be authentic too. We have a loving Father, who looks at our pain with compassion. If you did not experience that in your home, know that you can through God. He sits on His throne with His loving arms, waiting for you to cast the anxiety and pain that you are dealing with. He’s not going to wag His finger at you or hurt you.
1Peter 5:7…Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I will continue this conversation again. I have a lot to share on the subject of anxiety, depression and VICTORY. May I just add one more thing; if you are experiencing real symptoms of depression or anxiety, get help. There are fantastic counselors out there. Go to your priest, pastor, or a family member or friend that you can trust. Don’t keep it inside. You are worth it!