Today I feel…Well, let’s break it down hour by hour. This afternoon I feel better than when I first woke up at 5:20 this morning with major anxiety. What was the cause? I have no idea. I think it had to do with my scheduled doctor’s appointment at 10:15. It seems that every time I have to go to the doctor I develop anxiety. I was never like that but I am now. It’s because I have had nothing but bad news for over a year when going to my doctors. My cholesterol has been sky-high; my blood pressure has been high, I have had kidney issues, skin issues, heart burn, Celiac, major headaches, asthma, allergies etc.
Today, after an EKG, Chest X-Ray, Blood pressure check, and urine test…Things are getting better. I’ll take it. I am heading in the right direction. It’s a slow process, but at least I have some positive news.
Staying calm is the goal of my life so that my anxiety does not irritate anything. However, staying calm is a practice. I don’t do it naturally. It’s hard work for me. I am the one who applied lipstick during an approaching tornado.
My heart has been so heavy for so long that I just want to reach into my chest and pump it the way it needs to be pumped. It’s either beating too fast or too slow. But…it’s beating. I think about the scripture in Matthew 6:9-13. “Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Not only do we have the privilege to call upon God, but we can also invite His “kingdom” to take root in our lives. That’s what I want. I want God’s Kingdom to take root and grow every day, every hour of every day in my life.
I think I need to get more out of my comfort zone, whatever that is, and get DOWN like a kid. In fact, Matthew 18:3 tells us to become like a little child. They have such faith and have so much love to give. The kingdom of God is His presence and what He is doing NOW, as well as the future. I don’t have to fear. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to get all out of sorts each day. I have a gracious God who has invited me to take part in Him each day, not just as His servant, but as His friend. I just want to sing that ole hymn, “What a friend we have in Jesus.”
So why do I allow this panic to ruminate in my life? It has no place in my body, mind and spirit, nor does it have any authority over your life as well.
Oh Lord, let my ears be open to hear what You have to say. Bring friends and family around me that will encourage me. Help me to be a good listener to those around me who are hurting as well. I know that there are days where I am going to have disappointments especially on this “health” journey but it does not mean that YOU don’t love me. It doesn’t mean that YOU are punishing me. YOUR desire is that I profit from the hard circumstances, and that YOU want what is best for me. Help me to remember that God because how easily I can forget.
Today I am encouraged about my health; tomorrow may be a different story. BUT, God will not change. He will be Sovereign and reassure me that even in the letdowns of life, I can come to HIM.
When disappointment comes, will you be derailed pulling you away from the plans that God has for you? Will you curl up in a ball or will you allow HIM to pull you out of the dark rut?
Please share your thoughts.