I have been sick since Sunday and I’m so tired of being on the couch, doing nothing but sleep or watch television. I can’t even read. I am not used to this. Two weeks ago I had the stomach flu and was on the couch for several days. I went on vacation and came home with this nasty head stuff. It’s in my head, chest and ears. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and she put me on Amoxicillin. I don’t particularly like calling in “sick” to work. I know how busy they are and I know how rough times are around the branch, but I have to get well. Will I ever get well?
Most people would say “it’s just a cold” but with me, nothing is JUST. Since I have a kidney disease I am very limited to what I can take. I cannot take over the-counter drugs to relieve the congestion or cough medicine for the cough. I have been taking Tylenol (which is safe) and drinking a lot of Gatorade and now this antibiotic. This now amounts to 10 different medications I am taking. TEN!!! The one I hate the most is the most recent. It weakens my immune system and I am much more susceptible to catching things and to stay on it for more than a year can bring on a whole new bag of issues like blood cancer. I work at a public library. How in the world do you stay away from the germs there? The staff shares computers, phones, and pens. Customers come in with coughs to grab a book to read while sick or stock up on some movies while they are stuck in bed sick. Oh, I just want to cry. My happiness scale is definitely tipping towards the non-happy side. I have to work a little harder these days to find my joy in all of this mess. I am struggling with a less-than-satisfying existence and yet, I am blessed to have so much.
We are all unique individuals and our own joy does not come in a packages tied up with pretty bows. It is created within ourselves. We have choices we can make, when to let go and when to search for the dreams behind our wishes. Life is pretty simple at birth; we need food, sleep, shelter and cuddling and that’s about all we demand to keep us happy. Why do we feel we need more? For me, it’s because I have not figured it out yet. “IT” is why the slow down; why the bad health; what is next?
My new favorite verse: “come near to God and He will come near to you.” James 4:8. This is a time that although I am going through much confusion, I am NOT confused about who God is and what He can do for me. He has me here in this “unknown ill” state right now for reasons I do not understand but I just have to trust and know that He is in charge. Chronic illness isn’t any fun. God hears my cries for help.
If you too are suffering from a chronic illness or are just going through a time of uncertainty, apply Psalm 34:18 to your life. “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” If you are struggling with an illness, please respond. Just send your first name and I WILL pray for you. I have my list of those who are crushed in spirit and I do pray for them. Please share with me what you are doing to get through your days when you are striving for some sense of normalcy.