Why is it that funerals will bring out the worst and best in people? We have recently experienced a loss in the family and it was a rough week. There were so many tears and so many hurting hearts. The big thing that I noticed though was how many were there just to get their hands into the “inheritance” jar and those who were there to genuinely help out. I and many others did laundry, cleaned dishes, cooked meals, watch children and held out arms for hugs. It was so precious to see the family pull together to do whatever needed to be done.
There were those who were angry too. Angry at the death? Angry at the cause? Angry at family members? Angry at God? I don’t know but there was anger, finger-pointing and doing the blame game. Why? I know even as I pray for help that there will be tremendous compassion, mercy, generosity, and eventually laughter. Until then, it’s okay to be upset it’s okay to grieve but it’s not okay to blame oneself or others.
For the family that has lost a loved one; there’s freedom in us hitting rock bottom, in seeing that we cannot save or rescue others, nor your spouse, career etc. You’ve reached a place of great unknowing. This is where restoration can begin, because when you’re still in the state of trying to fix the un-fixable, everything bad is enraged: the chatter of your mind, the tension of your physiology, all the trunks and carry-ons you carry from the past. It’s exhausting and unnecessary.
The first great prayer is, “Help. Help us get through this.” So, I leave you my family with this, “God, Hold my family in your light.” I will continue to pray for you.
Can I add a little funny note to this sad situation? While praying for the family around the dinner table with my husband and 20-year-old daughter, I prayed for peace and grace. When I ended the prayer with the appropriate Amen, my daughter looked at me and asked, “pees and grapes? What’s that all about?” Laughter began.