This is not a subject I am always thrilled to write about but feel that my story (shortened version) needs to be told so that I can help those of you who are struggling with the vast array of feelings from divorce.
Christians don’t divorce. It’s not even in our thoughts. When I got divorced nine years ago I felt “defective” in the churches eyes. Whether or not this is openly taught in the congregation or the community, this is the core message that often forms in the minds and hearts of persons struggling through a divorce.
When I went through my divorce, I felt this defective feeling which led to feelings of less than acceptable, guilty, shame and failure. These feelings eventually brought me to my knees in prayer for forgiveness. I didn’t feel that I did anything wrong but I did give up the fight. I had been ignored for just so long. I had been disconnected for just so long and I had been cheated on one too many times. It was beyond repair and he wanted out so I gave up.
My feelings of shame were not rooted in a willful act of rebellion against my God, or in intentional sin. For a long time I internalized a sense of shame and inadequacy and guilt. I felt I let my children down as well. If I had been a better wife, skinnier, more attentive, and more rugged or whatever he desired, maybe I could have held on longer; but that was just not the case.
Looking back, I can’t fully understand how I managed to blame myself or the fact that my husband was cheating on me, and that he left me. Now, when I look back, I can see that my sense of failure doesn’t really make sense. But at the time, it was powerful; so powerful that I fell into a depression.
For many who experience the trauma of being abandoned by a spouse, the first steps toward the healing should be seeking the counsel of a wise and caring friend, family member, a trained counselor, and Godly mentor. I had all of these. I became totally 100% dedicated and dependent on God. I tuned in every day. I stayed in the Word. I highlighted scriptures. I was driven to get down on my knees more than ever during that time in my life. He brought me to a place of peace and acceptance of myself. I watched Him perform miracle after miracle right before my eyes. I learned how to forgive, not only myself but him.
If you are struggling with this subject, please feel free to comment. I know every single emotion one can feel during divorce. I have met every emotion face to face sometimes kicking and spitting but I did it. I allowed myself to feel every emotion and heal from every emotion.
Choosing to remarry? Could that be right for you? Are you more complete if you are part of a two-in-one? Stay tuned and we’ll discuss this topic tomorrow as I share that experience as well.