Why is it that funerals will bring out the worst and best in people? We have recently experienced a loss in the family and it was a rough week. There were so many tears and so many hurting hearts. The big thing that I noticed though was how many were there just to get their hands into the “inheritance” jar and those who were there to genuinely help out. I and many others did laundry, cleaned dishes, cooked meals, watch children and held out arms for hugs. It was so precious to see the family pull together to do whatever needed to be done.
There were those who were angry too. Angry at the death? Angry at the cause? Angry at family members? Angry at God? I don’t know but there was anger, finger-pointing and doing the blame game. Why? I know even as I pray for help that there will be tremendous compassion, mercy, generosity, and eventually laughter. Until then, it’s okay to be upset it’s okay to grieve but it’s not okay to blame oneself or others.
For the family that has lost a loved one; there’s freedom in us hitting rock bottom, in seeing that we cannot save or rescue others, nor your spouse, career etc. You’ve reached a place of great unknowing. This is where restoration can begin, because when you’re still in the state of trying to fix the un-fixable, everything bad is enraged: the chatter of your mind, the tension of your physiology, all the trunks and carry-ons you carry from the past. It’s exhausting and unnecessary.
The first great prayer is, “Help. Help us get through this.” So, I leave you my family with this, “God, Hold my family in your light.” I will continue to pray for you.
Can I add a little funny note to this sad situation? While praying for the family around the dinner table with my husband and 20-year-old daughter, I prayed for peace and grace. When I ended the prayer with the appropriate Amen, my daughter looked at me and asked, “pees and grapes? What’s that all about?” Laughter began.
Wow, it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve posted. Where has the summer gone? Where I live, the kids go back to school next week. Why? Where I grew up on the East Cost we didn’t start school until after Labor Day? When did you start and do you agree that this summer has gone by fast?
The first part of June I came down with the stomach flu. Then, I took a long needed vacation to Maine only to come home with a bad sinus and ear infection, which really put me out of commission for two weeks. I started to get into the swing of life again and my medications had to be adjusted. (kidney meds). I am on such a high dose of two different medications that I can hardly keep my eyes open at times and the body aches and pains that they cause are ridiculous. But, I had to do this in order to avoid any kind of dialysis or even worse, kidney transplant. But still….Come on!!!
Have you ever wanted to shout out, “Come on God?” Please tell me I am not the only one. If I am, yikes… I have had one of those years where I think I have maybe not shouted out, but at least softly blurted out, “Come on God.” My life has been in such an uproar with my health and finances that I can help but ask, “When God, When?”
If you have been dealing with your own MUCK, and have found yourself on the floor crying, on your knees begging, or on your bed deep breathing, what are you needing? I know that simple scripture, “Ask and you shall receive” is always a scripture I remember and hang onto. The confusing part is, asking does not mean we will receive in our time or receive at all. I do know that He hears me, He is working with me and it is fine for me to cry out, ask why and even ask when? He doesn’t get mad. He’s been there. He’s been tempted. He’s been hurt, humiliated, sad, scared and confused. He tells me to continue on this journey with HIM and always enjoy being with Him during adversity. (don’t have that mastered). I do know though He is always before me, along side of me beckoning me to follow Him. Yes Lord, I will.