How many times will I write this? I’m learning the language of letting go. It’s incredibly painful. It’s not just one relationship, it’s a conglomeration of many.
It’s my inner family of perfection that I need to let go of. As I take this path, I am learning and accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies. I find my whole routine being different now and some days I just have to laugh at myself as I try to put the bounce back in my step.
I no longer expect perfection from myself; thank you God. I’m the woman who has accidentally cut herself twice with a knife this week as well as has been denied on two query proposals. I am the woman who slept the other night with the covers pulled up over her head when she heard some bumps in the night. I’m the woman who had to take three U-turns before reaching her first Bible Study in Houston. I am the woman that bursts out crying and allows self to just say, “Nobody’s perfect.” I’m that gal; that imperfect gal and proud of her.
Letting go of my inner family of perfection who loves to linger in my head and visit a while, reminds me that when I let my guard down I have a PERFECT GOD watching over me. My heart may trip and fall and perfection may want to rear it’s ugly head again, but I do not need to fear.
Two ways I can help myself from falling into the perfection trap are :
1) WATCH: The wise woman watches over the way of her household. Proverbs 31:27. I am keeping watch over my house, my temple for God as He guides and directs me. He doesn’t expect perfection, just a willing heart.
2) ASK: I need to ask God every day to keep my mind, body and spirit in check. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 NIV Don’t be too prideful/perfect that you don’t want to ask God for help.
Sometimes our imperfection shows us how unique we really are. Sometimes, I feel ashamed about how long it takes me as I struggle through to the acceptance of my own realities in life.
I feel ashamed when I find myself clouded by the fog of denial. Then something happens and I see that I might indeed be moving in the right direction; one very small baby step at a time.
God, help me to be open to and TRUST the process that is healing within me. Help me strive for more of You and less of me. Help me to practice gentleness and compassion for myself and to accept all of my imperfections as lessons of life.