About a year ago I posted a blog about annihilating a wasp with oven cleaner. Today, I sit as a yellow jacket lands about four feet to my left, but instead of reaching for the magazine to swat it, I sit and observe. Have you ever had a moment where you just sat and watched your fear in peace?
I decided in my trepidation to hold off and observe the striped anterior pulse and protract while meandering into deep thought. I thought about how over the last several years, I had suffered the uncertainty of being hurt by the life that surrounded me; but not any more.
I continued to watch the yellow jacket inch a little closer. I don’t fear because all that I have been through, the hurtful hardships of my life, have made me watch more carefully with a softer eye and less resentful heart. I don’t allow my mind to trick me into imagining things to be more dangerous than they are.
The yellow jacket buzzed away, but only to come back to flirt with me a little more. Isn’t this exactly what happens with our fears? We feel them, maybe even stand up to them only to have them come right back?
When returning fears want to get the best of us, maybe we can allow them to come a little closer? I am currently doing just that. When I feel my heart beat just a little faster or my knees become a little weaker, I don’t allow the fear or the desire to swat over come me. I sit and ask God, “What is it today Lord, that I am afraid of doing?”
I ask today, is there someone who feels intrusive to you, making you fearful of your next step? If so, what does it feel like? Is it your own fear or is it really the person that is being intrusive?
Can you close your eyes and try this prayer…
LORD, help me to discern the intrusion of my own fears and a real intruder. Help me to not swat it away if it is my own insecurity, but rather allow you to help me to work through it.
How far will your fear keep others away?